It seems I’ve spent quite a bit of energy and time over the past year thinking about what I want a companionship to look like for myself. Understanding that people have many different ideas and thoughts related to companionship, I ask myself the question, “What feels best for me?” What definition of companionship will best allow me to continue to live the life I love? There are many different types of companionships such as the companionship I share with my dear friend Greg. For the purpose of this writing however, I will be referring to romantic companionship.
It has been my experience that my romantic companionship was disturbed and broken with the hospitality of thought to religious beliefs or simply to pre conceived ideas about what a companionship should look like. I have asked myself, “What does it mean to have a romantic companion?” Does it mean commitment? If so, what am I committing to? Given the research on the amount of infidelity and divorce, it is apparent to me that this is an issue not discussed openly among couples.
I grew up with the thought and belief, as many of you did, that you meet Mr./Ms. Right, you marry them, and you stay married to them forever, making certain unrealistic vows written by someone else. So, I was living my life based on someone else’s idea of what the companionship should look like as evidenced by my commitment to the vows. That is the right and normal thing to do. Right? Then it dawned on me. Why am I putting myself in this box? Why am I limiting myself to the vows written by another? For example, who says that you have to cohabitate with your companion? Where did that idea come from? The amount of infidelity and divorce has me wondering if that is the best idea. I am just thinking outside the little box that I have allowed religion and society to put me in.
So, after much meditation, observation, and talking with others, I have a better idea about what is best for me. It is my opinion that it is never the role of a companion to tell his or her mate what they can and cannot do or what they should and should not do. They are not your parents. They are your romantic companions. It is instead a companion’s role to love, respect, and support at all times and in ALL things. Even when you do not agree with what your companion is doing. Each person is an individual and must take their individual journeys. Again, the companion is there to love, respect, and support. I have found it best to just allow a companionship/relationship to be, without any interference from what society says it should be. By allowing your companion to just be, you stand in full acceptance of whatever being looks like for them. Not trying to change their thoughts or behaviors in anyway. Again, it is their journey and I will hold their hand through that journey without judgment.
My romantic companionship may not look like yours and that is okay. The main goal is to live the life you love and not be put in a box or limited by another. I had my life before I met my romantic companion and they had theirs. It is important for me to continue to live my life and they theirs with a commitment to love, respect, and support each other on our journey together yet apart.
What is your idea of a healthy companionship? Are you trying to make sure you fit into the model set forth by religion and society and if so how is that working for you? Your comments and feedback would be greatly appreciated, as this is a topic that could obviously benefit from more thought and discussion. Thanks in advance for your input and thanks as always for taking time to read my Weekly Sunday Blog.