Why Am I Still Single?



I find myself pondering this question often. Why am I still single? It is certainly not because I have to be. There are men on every corner. I meet them in the grocery store, coffee shop, walking down the street, on Facebook, at work, and seemingly everywhere I go.

So, why am I still single?

It seems that with the advent of social media and apps, people have very little interest in committing to one. Why commit to one when you can have a different one every night? The other issues I have found to be prevalent are open relationships and people on the downlow. Who needs a boyfriend when I can sleep with yours while you’re at work or away?

Perhaps I have been too superficial in the past also. Looking at outward appearance only. Wanting someone with a bigger bootie or bigger anatomy. Wanting someone bigger, smaller, richer, younger, older, or someone that lives in a certain demographic. By placing so many limitations on what it is we want, we may bypass someone very special. Again, have I been guilty? Yes. Sometimes the package can be beautiful but the contents are ugly.

I have learned that men will say whatever they need to say to get you under the sheets. Then they will keep coming back for nothing but a bootie call as long as you allow it. They could care less about a movie, dinner or conversation. They are too busy looking for the next one to use and could care less about the person themselves.

First let’s be real. Have I been guilty? Yes. Have I allowed this behavior? Yes. Then I just answered my own question about being single.

What value am I placing on myself by giving the most intimate part of me to someone who has no intention of building anything special between us? What does it say about me when I do the same by using someone just for sexual pleasure? By doing so, I am sending a message to the universe that I am not worthy of having that special one.

I was in an 18-year relationship, so I understand how special the intimacy between just 2 can be. I have learned that the answer to why I’m still single lies within me.

For me it was about realizing that my body is special. My body is the temple of God. I am a gift not to be given to just anyone. I recognize my value. I recognize my worth. It is only when one is able to recognize all these things, that others will recognize them too.

What makes my intimacy special if anyone can have it? What makes me special if I give myself to anyone? Start seeing yourself as special and that special one will show up. Tell the universe you are ready by letting go of all the bootie calls and sex apps. Let go of the past. Allow that special someone in when they do show up. Love them. Embrace them. Commit to them and live a happy beautiful life together. Let go of the limitations and analytical thinking and just trust. If you are faithful, God will be faithful and send you exactly what you want.



Vince is a critical care nurse, thought contributor, and published writer. He shares his knowledge and personal experience on issues impacting our physical, mental, and spiritual health. Join the conversation at vinceshifflett.com by entering your email address to follow his weekly blog.



17 Replies to “Why Am I Still Single?”

  1. I so love this and honestly I can relate to this I think a lot of people will relate , I’m married now but as you stated , singles aren’t as much looking for relationships as they are one nite stands, it’s easier and less complicated BUT it’s also less rewarding


  2. I like your “why am I single” authentic self asking that question. I ask it too often, was married for 8 years, and miss all of a committed relationship. I was a better person with him…

  3. Fascinating as usual. We all look for that someone special to complete our lives, to be our soulmates. What happens if, as in my case, I found the perfect partner and it all went sour because of psychological problems from years ago, not mine I should point out ? My relationship has been nuked by the past. My partner can not see what is happening because everyone is wrong.
    The other point is, fine, do you abstain from one night stands of lust or do you wait for the perfect or compatible partner ? I think it’s very difficult for the men to abstain from a one night stand that perhaps a woman can, however having never been a woman I can’t comment. maybe one of the ladies can comment ?

  4. Hi, Vince! Happy New Year! I must say that I’m a firm believer in the saying: Love is the Hunter! One must, in order to find it, let it find you! There is nothing in this world sadder than the desparate look on the face of someone looking for love. ..! One should never carry the baggage of one’s past life into the present; I know. easier said than done. ..! One should live life as though each day is the first day of one’s life, and go out on a new adventure; forget about LOVE; it will NOT ‘forget’ you; with a positive nature, love will find you when you least expect it! One simply has to bury one’s id; disperse with over analysis – no one is perfect, not you, nor the subject of one’s desire; give love the chance to do its work on you – happiness is ‘out there’ for us all. ..!

    1. Adam,

      “Love is the Hunter.” I love that you say this. You are so right. To play the devils advocate a little, however, if love finds you then that means that someone was the hunter. I say just be the love yourself.

      I always really appreciate your beautiful feedback and I appreciate you.


  5. Oh this is so true, yet it allows us to check ourselves, I too have been here, but change my Mind and Heart …and allow myself to let go of the past and pain…You are Special and Live will find you

  6. Well said Vincent.
    When your thoughts, and actions match your heart’s desire, the power of attraction works it’s magic.

  7. I totally agree with your assessment regarding why you are single. Physical attraction is important but respect to others is more. One has to Love Oneself before one can truly love and commit to another.

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