I find myself pondering this question often. Why am I still single? It is certainly not because I have to be. There are men on every corner. I meet them in the grocery store, coffee shop, walking down the street, on Facebook, at work, and seemingly everywhere I go.
So, why am I still single?
It seems that with the advent of social media and apps, people have very little interest in committing to one. Why commit to one when you can have a different one every night? The other issues I have found to be prevalent are open relationships and people on the downlow. Who needs a boyfriend when I can sleep with yours while you’re at work or away?
Perhaps I have been too superficial in the past also. Looking at outward appearance only. Wanting someone with a bigger bootie or bigger anatomy. Wanting someone bigger, smaller, richer, younger, older, or someone that lives in a certain demographic. By placing so many limitations on what it is we want, we may bypass someone very special. Again, have I been guilty? Yes. Sometimes the package can be beautiful but the contents are ugly.
I have learned that men will say whatever they need to say to get you under the sheets. Then they will keep coming back for nothing but a bootie call as long as you allow it. They could care less about a movie, dinner or conversation. They are too busy looking for the next one to use and could care less about the person themselves.
First let’s be real. Have I been guilty? Yes. Have I allowed this behavior? Yes. Then I just answered my own question about being single.
What value am I placing on myself by giving the most intimate part of me to someone who has no intention of building anything special between us? What does it say about me when I do the same by using someone just for sexual pleasure? By doing so, I am sending a message to the universe that I am not worthy of having that special one.
I was in an 18-year relationship, so I understand how special the intimacy between just 2 can be. I have learned that the answer to why I’m still single lies within me.
For me it was about realizing that my body is special. My body is the temple of God. I am a gift not to be given to just anyone. I recognize my value. I recognize my worth. It is only when one is able to recognize all these things, that others will recognize them too.
What makes my intimacy special if anyone can have it? What makes me special if I give myself to anyone? Start seeing yourself as special and that special one will show up. Tell the universe you are ready by letting go of all the bootie calls and sex apps. Let go of the past. Allow that special someone in when they do show up. Love them. Embrace them. Commit to them and live a happy beautiful life together. Let go of the limitations and analytical thinking and just trust. If you are faithful, God will be faithful and send you exactly what you want.
Vince is a critical care nurse, thought contributor, and published writer. He shares his knowledge and personal experience on issues impacting our physical, mental, and spiritual health. Join the conversation at vinceshifflett.com by entering your email address to follow his weekly blog.