Sex. It is how we all arrived on this planet as physical beings, right? Yet it seems to be something people rarely dialogue about. It is almost as if it is one big secret. The pink elephant in the room that no one wants to talk about. Why?
Sex is a very powerful act. It has created beautiful life and also destroyed life. It has created immense pleasure and also unbearable pain. It has been used as an expression of love and also as an act of control and abuse.
I struggled with sex for a long time. I felt a tremendous amount of shame around sex. These emotions all came from my childhood where sex was definitely taboo. Never even heard the word. How dare one talk about it but yet it was going on all around me.
I had my first sexual experience at age 8 behind the church while church service was in session. It all just escalated from there. An evangelist who came to our church to hold a revival meeting sexually molested me, at age 12. As I continued on through my childhood, I continued to be taken advantage of by 2 of my mother’s brothers. All of my sexual childhood experiences were with people who were strongly opposed to homosexuality. Interesting, huh?
Even though many of my sexual experiences have been with fellow church members, the church had very restrictive rules about whom you could have sex with and when you could get down. For example, no sex was allowed on Sunday’s and sex was limited to heterosexual missionary-style couplings with the lights off of course. Bottom line is you can’t stop people from having sex no matter how many crazy rules you have about it.
I have continued to struggle a bit with sex through out my life. I have made decisions about sex that have caused me great pain and suffering. I have struggled at times with being able to control my sexual desires. Giving myself to complete strangers as well as giving myself to someone I cared deeply for, only to discover it was just sex for them. Nothing more.
I am grateful to be in a new space of thought and awareness. I have experienced both the constructive and destructive implications of sex. I now have no shame associated with sex. I see it as a beautiful way to express love and intimacy with someone you care about.
I have also found that when I embrace sex as a spiritual act, it brings me closer together in body and mind with another. Sex is a powerful force that when used properly it can be a great catalyst for spiritual growth and healing on many levels.
I do however have more control now and have set the intention to not share it with just anyone. It is a gift in a beautiful package that I will only allow someone special to unwrap moving forward in my life.
Perhaps if there were more liberty and dialogue in our homes about sex, it would decrease some of the negative implications like disease and shame. Stop hiding it. Talk about it. It is part of who we are.
Vince is a Critical Care Registered Nurse, Thought Contributor, and Published Writer. He shares his knowledge and personal experience on issues impacting our physical, mental, and spiritual health. Join the conversation at vinceshifflett.com by entering your email address to follow his weekly blog.