Posted on by Vince Shifflett

Alone and Disconnected

Thinking back, I guess I felt disconnected for much of my life and still at times struggle with that today. Being gay in a small rural very conservative town, I always felt disconnected from my community.  I also felt very disconnected from my father who continually shamed me. It left me with an overwhelming feeling of being detached from people, things, and spirit.

I suppressed my emotions and disconnected from them. Rather than deal with my issues, it was much easier to just disconnect by occupying myself with other things. Now many years later, I am dealing with them.

Feeling disconnected from myself, others, and spirit is a painful place to be. Of course, I’ve had moments of feeling very connected, blissful, and in touch with myself but unfortunately those moments have been fleeting. It seems more often than not I am still plagued with feeling profoundly alone and disconnected at times. Enough already. Time to deal with this head on.

But how can this be? How can I feel disconnected? I have awesome friends in my life that love me dearly. I am a successful writer and Critical Care Registered Nurse. I have a relationship with God. How is it possible to be surrounded by others and yet feel disconnected?

Being connected is important. Connected to self, our emotions, community, the environment, and connected to spirit. For me, being disconnected feels like being part of the living dead. Dead to my emotions, spirit, community, the environment and myself. It’s as if I am going through the motions of everyday life as if I were a robot allowing joy, passion, energy, and connection to die.

There are more ways than ever now to connect, with the advent of so many social media outlets, yet at times I feel so disconnected. I am so connected that I am disconnected if that makes sense.

Instead of picking up the phone to say I love you or Happy Birthday, we send the message through social media with no real personal connection to the person.

I am learning the value of stopping the search for home in others and instead lifting the foundation of home in myself.

I have found there is no connection more intimate than the connection between my mind and body when I decide to be whole. This powerful truth I know but I still seem to struggle at times.

Is Disconnection always a bad thing?

I have found it necessary to disconnect from people in my life that bring in negative energy and do not support my growth. Sad to say but sometimes this can be the closet people to you.  In this case, disconnection is essential as part of the reconnection process.

Ways to Stay Connected

  • Physical Activity:When I am feeling disconnected and isolated, I have found exercise to be beneficial. It connects me to my body.
  • Spending Time Outside:This allows me to connect to the environment and feel grounded. A 15-30 minute walk outside usually does the trick for me when I start feeling lonely and disconnected.
  • Mindfulness Practice:Practice paying attention to the present moment without judging. Taking time to be aware when I am feeling depressed and disconnected without berating myself.
  • Becoming more involved in the Community:Volunteering in the community not only helps others but brings a sense of goodness to one’s self. When we help others, help shows up for us.

We are spirits in a human body, living a human existence. I often forget that and identify with the physical form instead. It is my intention to focus more on my spiritual being and staying connected to that. For me, I believe that is a huge part of the key to unlock my disconnection and the feeling of being profoundly alone.

I hope you’ll share your experience. I believe it is through the sharing of experiences that we all can learn, grow, and help each other along the way.

Abundant Blessing,

Vince

24 Replies to “Alone and Disconnected”

  1. Hey Vince! Would love to chat with you and share my experiences with you. Removing toxic energy from the past is not easy. Taking it head on is hard but denial is a horrific experience. I’ve been in so many ’emotional fires’ that I became fireproof. Yet I can get low and just like superman and kryptonite, I can become weak and emotionally vulnerable. There are so many tools to staying balanced that it’s hard to fit it into this paragraph. There is no one way path to healing. We didn’t come across each other by mistake and I certainly thing we have gifts to share between us.

  2. Great read thanks. xoTy Andrews, Artist/Content CreatorTy Andrews Productions Branding | Design | Music Production www.tyandrewsproductions.com 404.580.1651Like on Facebook Follow on Twitter  

  3. Vince, I enjoy reading your posts so much, and I am grateful for you for having given a voice to feelings that so many experience. After years of feeling disconnected, I feel more connected now because of some of the very things you offer as ways to feel connected. I cannot say enough about the benefits of doing volunteer work, practicing mindfulness and staying active. The daily practice of meditation has helped me to deepen my connection with the spiritual and to realize that even though at times I may feel alone, I am eternally connected to the divine. Keep doing what you are doing and may you be blessed for your gift to all of us.

    1. Randy,

      It means so much to me to hear from you and get your feedback. I love that you say we are eternally connected to the Divine. We may not always feel that, but we are.

      Much love to you my friend,
      Vince

  4. Wow! Vincent, that was brave of you to bare your soul like that. You said many things that a lot of us are too afraid to admit.

    1. Donavan,

      When I write, I write to myself. It is very therapeutic for me and essential that I be my true authentic self in my writing. Thank you so much for your awesome support of that. I am deeply grateful.

      Vince

  5. Wow , i needed to read this bc i thinl this where im at right now im life dealing with people.

  6. Thank tou Vince for such a positive outlook,you’ll never know how much it really means to me to here your inspiration.

    1. Redgie,

      We all need to hear positivity and inspiration. Especially in a world filled with the opposite right now. I love and appreciate you.

      Vince

    1. Kurt,

      What can I say. You are too kind. I am really grateful that my thoughts resonate with you. Really appreciate the feedback. It is what keeps me moving forward.

      Vince

  8. I have gotten involved with some very interesting work spearheaded by Elaine Miller Karas called the Community Resiliency Model. Elaine’s approach is very simple, with roots in trauma informed care, as well as somatic mindfulness.

    There is a free app called IChill (I CHILL) available that introduces or reinforces the information. The app appears with a group of diverse people standing on top of the earth.

    Check it out! It helps build an array of simple coping skills to call upon when we are “knocked out of our resilient zone.”

  9. Hello Vince,
    Thank you for the wonderful message.
    I learned that to find peace, first you must love yourself, then address your issues with family members, forgive them for their ignorance and move on.

  10. Good thoughts! Thanks for sharing! I’d like to speak more with you about this, if possible.

  11. I enjoy your insights. Prayer also helps me to feel less disconnected.

  12. I think,most gay men have to disconnect, sometimes! I find it easier to deal with homophobic culture! My art is my focus and salvation! God is great!

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