We all have an inner roommate. Are you friends with yours?
I lived alone for many years but was I really living alone? I no longer live alone. I now have a physical roommate that I have a great relationship with. We are dear friends. But again, I ask myself “Was I ever really living alone?”
What about my inner roommate? He’s been with me my whole life. Are we friends? Do I like him? Do we get along?
Many names have been used to describe our inner roommate. Names such as intuition, inner GPS, spirit, that inner voice, and that gut feeling.
I don’t know about your inner roommate but mine never shuts up. He is always talking. Drives me crazy at times. About 95% of what he says is untruth but I still listen and give him my energy. I even find myself buying into what he says and allowing myself to get in a funk over it.
Am I friends with my inner roommate? Sometimes. Is my inner roommate helpful? Yes, at times.
The issue for me is if my physical roommate talked as much as my inner roommate, I would ask him to leave today. So why is it that I allow my inner roommate to continue with the incessant mental chatter. More importantly, why is it that I listen and allow it to disrupt my peace.
There’s an inner roommate (voice) that is important to listen to as it can guide us in making important decisions. Then there is that inner roommate (voice) that just talks nonstop about stuff.
“What should I have for dinner?” “I wonder if she is mad at me?” “My butt is too flat.” “My nose is too big.” “Should I quit my job.” “I’m gonna tell her just how I feel tomorrow.” “She made me so mad.” “I should be getting ready for work tomorrow instead of relaxing and watching a little television.” “I’m never going to find a husband.” “No one wants to commit.”
It just goes on and on. Mental chatter.
How does one stop the incessant chatter? Can it be stopped?
As soon as I sit down to be silent and meditate, it starts. My inner roommate starts talking again. “My leg hurts?” “Wish I was off work today.” “I just need to get up, I can do this later.” It can become challenging to meditate or focus with the inner roommate talking. It is no different from someone else talking while you are trying to focus on something. It is a distraction.
Many times in my life, I have allowed this mental chatter to lead me down a rabbit hole into a dark place. When my Mom passed the chatter got louder. “You can’t live without her.” “You will never hear her voice again.” “She did not deserve to die in this tragic manner.” “What am I going to do?” “My life is over.”
It was the same when my 18 year relationship ended. The incessant mental chatter was so loud. “It was your fault.” “If only you had acted differently.” “Look what you lost.” The inner roommate went on and on. Never stopped talking. The worst part is, I believed him and down the rabbit hole I went.
My inner roommate. While I love him, is often a distraction. I have not quite learned how to turn him down or turn him off. I have not quite learned how to stop believing everything he says and allowing it to bring me down.
I am becoming more and more aware of my inner roommate. I used to just let him talk all the time. Now whenever he speaks I ask myself, “Is what he is saying true?” If it is not true, I tune him out. For me, it is kind of like watching television and not liking the program. I have the option to turn the T.V. off and not listen anymore. I am learning that we are given that same option with our inner roommate. We get to decide our truth.
Get to be friends with your inner roommate. Distinguish the difference between untrue mental chatter and something you should pay attention to. For me, it seems I listen when I shouldn’t and do not listen when I should. When my inner roommate (Spirit, intuition, gut feeling) is providing direction I often find myself shooshing that roommate and going my own way. When that same inner roommate is constantly talking about nothing and interrupting my peace, I listen. Jeez.
I am working on getting to know my inner roommate better. I am working on becoming better friends so we develop an understanding. Getting to know him better will help me weed out the bullshit and pay attention to the important meaningful talk.
Getting to know our inner roommate is really getting to know self better.
Until next time,
Be well and choose happiness
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Vince is a Critical Care Registered Nurse and Published Writer living and loving in Atlanta, Georgia. He uses his 30 years of nursing experience, along with his 56 years of life experience to share with us biweekly. Enter your email address to receive his bi-weekly educational, inspirational, and thought-provoking work straight to your inbox. You can also follow him on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn and Twitter. Your support is deeply appreciated.
I first became aware of my inner roommate while watching the show Dexter. Without going into detail, I realized I had a “Dark Passenger” that was ruling my world. After a few years of bloody fighting Ive turned him into my inner roommate that now rears its ugly head occasionally and most of the time I can swat it away like a mosquito! What really helped was reflection, finding my inner child and re-living happy moments. I too am 56yrs old and 2 days ago I looked up reached out to my high school girlfriend and we spent 4 hours chatting it up. I will treasure that forever. Im still smiling! Envision your future self doing things that you never thought possible and they will happen. Stay POSITIVE!!!
Ed,
Thank you so much for your response. It is all about becoming aware.
Appreciate you,
Vince
I enjoyed reading your article although I haven’t had the pleasure of having a roommate. I’m almost sure that it will definitely be a learning experience for me. Best wishes
Earnest,
Thank you so much for taking time to read my thoughts. I appreciate the feedback.
Vince
Very interesting topic.
I used to run away from my inner room mate. I’d find any excuse to not be alone, just to get out, go anywhere, do anything so as not to be with him. I liked me but didn’t like my own company.
However now I have grown to loving my room mate and he has guided me well. When I do a facebook quiz and my brain tells me to chose one option but he tells me the other, 9 out of 10 times he’s correct and he calls me an idiot, lol.
I have actually learnt to love him because he doesn’t need to deceive me or to lie to me or to cheat me. He helps me, he guides me, he advises me. Sometimes even he doesn’t know the answer but I have grown to love him and now actually enjoy his company.
I’m no longer worried about being alone or staying in, but maybe that’s just an age thing.
However saying that, we’re all different and we all have different priorities.
When I’m really down, had enough and can see myself heading for a depression and maybe even suicide (yes I know it doesn’t sound like me at all), he says to me “if you do then they’ve won, so either snap out of it or finish it”. So far I’ve snapped out. It usually takes about a day but my facade reappears and I’m back to normal (if you classify me as normal, lol).
I had a severe episode a few weeks ago and I asked you for your email, which I’ve lost again, as it was just too much to bear, but he advised me to snap out and I did.
In the time of the last Shifflett Chronicles, I had a major, major matter to solve. I wanted to do it, he was telling me to do it, but I was worried about the repercussions if I did it. Then the SC turned up on my PC and basically said “do it”, so I’m doing it. Hence my comment about “I’m speechless”.
Thank you again for a very interesting topic.
Yuri,
Thank you so much for your transparency. I too have suffered from major depression and at times suicidal thoughts. That inner roommate gets very loud during those times. I have come to realize one important thing: If you’re here, you matter. If you’re here, you still have a purpose.
You can email or call me anytime you’d like.
Vince
vince.shifflett@gmail.com
I’ve got so many roommates I lose count brother LOL. I found out that many people are too busy moving and not realizing who is actually driving the vehicle. Just recently I found myself being dragged along into a space of darkness. I ‘came to myself’ and got back in control of my inner space and got back to work on being my greatest self. Self awareness is the most powerful tool to see what is going on. Without it our roommates will leave our inner living space too cluttered to function at our highest capacity. The battles within are won but the one with the most consistent and greatest intention.
Zach,
I loved your beautiful thought provoking words. Loved your analogy about people being “too busy moving and not realizing who is driving.” So many times I have allowed my inner roommate to leave my living space cluttered as you mentioned. Your response really spoke to me. I am grateful for you. Know that your greatest days are ahead my friend.
Much love,
Vince
Love love love this. I recently read an article about what you say to yourself when you are alone with your own thoughts. I’ve since been working on changing the conversations I am having with myself and I have noticed a change.
Thank you for this reading and reinforcing what I’ve been working on
Shaun,
So Grateful for you. Hopefully we are all evolving moment by moment. This is part of my evolvement.
Much love,
Vince