Healthy Relationships are open to interpretation and are defined by each individual. There are however a few essential key elements that I’ve learned are important to build and maintain a relationship. There are many types of relationships but for the purpose of this column, I will be referring to romantic relationships.
What is a Healthy Relationship?
Let’s face it, since the end of my 18-year relationship 8 years ago, I haven’t exactly been successful in terms of romantic relationships. Why is that?
Just in case, you’re in the same boat, I would love to share some of my thoughts with you.
I went back and read many of my previous articles written over the last 3-year period. One article I talked about saving myself for that special one and how important I thought monogamy was once I met that special one. I went on to passively judge those who did not believe that way.
Fast forward a year later when I penned an article that pretty much said monogamy is hypocrisy. What is it I truly believe? What is it I truly want? Do I want what society has taught me my whole life is the right thing? The partner, the house with the white picket fence, the 2 dogs and you live happily ever after? Well, actually I was taught, the wife, the house with the white picket fence, the 2 kids and you live happily ever after. That may work beautifully for some but not for all.
The biggest lesson I am learning:
WE ARE NOT ALL THE SAME. And that’s okay.
I go back and forth with what it is I want. Perhaps that is part of my struggle with making decisions regarding relationships. It is way past time for me to be honest with self. It is way past time for me to truly love self. It is way past time for me to accept self without shame or judgment from others.
It is time for me to be okay with exactly where I am today. The worrying, the anxiety, the stress, the pondering, and the desiring that “healthy relationship” actually keeps it at bay.
Realizing that we all have a different definition of “healthy relationship” is important. There is no wrong or right. Therefore, it becomes essential to be aware of and fully understand your own definition. Not only understand it but accept it as who you are. It is then and only then that the right one will show up. The one who aligns with your definition of a healthy relationship. It is not necessary that we all agree but it is somewhat important for 2 people who decide to enter into a commitment to have similar definitions. I have listed what is important to me in terms of Healthy Relationship Must Haves and Unhealthy Relationship Must Haves.
Healthy Relationship Must Haves:
- Meaningful Dialogue
- Open Communication
- Acceptance and Allowing
- Sexual intimacy
Unhealthy Relationship Must Haves:
- Being a parent instead of a partner
- Playing detective and spying on your partner
- Lack of completely honest communication
- No Romance, Affection, or Adoration
- Lack of sexual intimacy
- Lack of fun, joy, and laughter
If you notice, trust is not one of my “Must Haves.” I have found that we are mirror images of ourselves and when we do not trust our partner it is because we do not trust ourselves. I have also learned that a lack of trust many times come from insecurities and fear. In other words, if you feel a need to go through my wallet and cell phone, we do not belong together. Your need to do that speaks more to who you are than who I am.
Thanks for listening once again as I share with you and as I continue to sort through my myriad of emotions and thoughts in an effort to find and be the best me I can be.
Are you in a Healthy Relationship? I would love to hear your definition of a healthy relationship. Thanks in advance for sharing in this dialogue.
Until next time,
Hi, I’m Vince. I am a Critical Care Registered Nurse and Author. Welcome to my site. On this site you will be provided inspirational, educational, and motivational articles. It is my mission to have this information help you achieve Optimal Health which includes Physical Health, Spiritual Health, and Mental Health. My ultimate goal is to create change and stimulate self-healing.