What is a Healthy Relationship?


Healthy Relationships are open to interpretation and are defined by each individual. There are however a few essential key elements that I’ve learned are important to build and maintain a relationship. There are many types of relationships but for the purpose of this column, I will be referring to romantic relationships.

What is a Healthy Relationship?

Let’s face it, since the end of my 18-year relationship 8 years ago, I haven’t exactly been successful in terms of romantic relationships. Why is that?

Just in case, you’re in the same boat, I would love to share some of my thoughts with you.

I went back and read many of my previous articles written over the last 3-year period.  One article I talked about saving myself for that special one and how important I thought monogamy was once I met that special one. I went on to passively judge those who did not believe that way.

Fast forward a year later when I penned an article that pretty much said monogamy is hypocrisy. What is it I truly believe? What is it I truly want? Do I want what society has taught me my whole life is the right thing? The partner, the house with the white picket fence, the 2 dogs and you live happily ever after? Well, actually I was taught, the wife, the house with the white picket fence, the 2 kids and you live happily ever after. That may work beautifully for some but not for all.

The biggest lesson I am learning:

WE ARE NOT ALL THE SAME.  And that’s okay.

I go back and forth with what it is I want. Perhaps that is part of my struggle with making decisions regarding relationships. It is way past time for me to be honest with self. It is way past time for me to truly love self. It is way past time for me to accept self without shame or judgment from others.

It is time for me to be okay with exactly where I am today. The worrying, the anxiety, the stress, the pondering, and the desiring that “healthy relationship” actually keeps it at bay.

Realizing that we all have a different definition of “healthy relationship” is important.  There is no wrong or right. Therefore, it becomes essential to be aware of and fully understand your own definition. Not only understand it but accept it as who you are. It is then and only then that the right one will show up. The one who aligns with your definition of a healthy relationship. It is not necessary that we all agree but it is somewhat important for 2 people who decide to enter into a commitment to have similar definitions. I have listed what is important to me in terms of Healthy Relationship Must Haves and Unhealthy Relationship Must Haves.

Healthy Relationship Must Haves:

  • Meaningful Dialogue
  • Open Communication
  • Adoration
  • Romance
  • Affection
  • Acceptance and Allowing
  • Respect
  • Friendship
  • Sexual intimacy
  • Laughter

Unhealthy Relationship Must Haves:

  • Judgement
  • Disrespect
  • Being a parent instead of a partner
  • Playing detective and spying on your partner
  • Deceitfulness/Hiding/Sneaking
  • Secrets
  • Lack of completely honest communication
  • No Romance, Affection, or Adoration
  • Lack of sexual intimacy
  • Lack of fun, joy, and laughter

If you notice, trust is not one of my “Must Haves.” I have found that we are mirror images of ourselves and when we do not trust our partner it is because we do not trust ourselves. I have also learned that a lack of trust many times come from insecurities and fear. In other words, if you feel a need to go through my wallet and cell phone, we do not belong together. Your need to do that speaks more to who you are than who I am.

Thanks for listening once again as I share with you and as I continue to sort through my myriad of emotions and thoughts in an effort to find and be the best me I can be.

Are you in a Healthy Relationship? I would love to hear your definition of a healthy relationship. Thanks in advance for sharing in this dialogue.

Until next time,




Hi, I’m Vince. I am a Critical Care Registered Nurse and Author. Welcome to my site. On this site you will be provided inspirational, educational, and motivational articles. It is my mission to have this information help you achieve Optimal Health which includes Physical Health, Spiritual Health, and Mental Health. My ultimate goal is to create change and stimulate self-healing.


15 Replies to “What is a Healthy Relationship?”

  1. Hi Vince. Great article. The last paragraph about trust really struck me and got me reflecting on my own relationships of the past and how the approach was in those. And often times when we would hear people say….”I just can’t trust them anymore” after conflict happens and what that really is telling of that individual. Would love to hear more about your thoughts on this topic if you haven’t mentioned them already in other articles. Happy weekend to you!

    1. Travis,

      I am grateful for your support and feedback. People are just going to be who they are and we must accept that. We do not have to agree with it, but we have a responsibility to accept each other in love. If someone is a “cheater” then that is exactly who they are. Doesn’t mean you have to be in a relationship with them but it also does’t mean you have to be ugly and criticize them. That is who they are. If it is not what you are looking for, move on but move on in love.


  2. Quite true.

    We can choose the healthy. Sadly, many find them selves in unhealthy relationships, yet, they find it difficult to get out.

    I hope 2020 births better for them.

    Thanks, Vince

  3. As always, a very good and thoughtful article. To answer the question … yes, I am finally in a healthy relationship and it’s with myself. After being in several abusive relationships I finally figured out that the problem was me not them. I kept choosing abusers because I didn’t believe I deserved any thing better. After I finally found the courage to leave the last one, I took the time to heal myself, discover my issues and fix me… I now know that I am worthy of real love…

  4. I am in the most unhealthy relationship I could be in. Although there is no physical abuse, there is emotional, mental, and fighting everyday. And although physical abuse is horrible, I believe physical wounds and scars can heal. When someone uses words, games and actions to break you down mentally and emotionally, in order to manipulate and control you it is very hard to build yourself back up. I truly believe that I would be healthier and happier not being in a relationship at all than being in the one I’m in. But getting out is harder than just leaving. Thanks for listening.

    1. Kristy,

      What keeps us from making change is fear. I have struggled so much with this myself. Your words, “I truly believe that I would be healthier and happier not being in a relationship at all then being in the one I’m in”, is your inner guidance speaking. Muster up the courage to change. Realize that you are deserving of love, respect, honor, adoration, and whatever it is that your heart desires. It can all be yours but must first start with change. Take the first step. Follow your intuition and heart. God (Universe, Spirit) will do the rest. Trust me. He will take care of you.

      Much love to you,

  5. I find just getting a relationship started with dating, phone calls, and falling in love is so difficult in today’s time. I was going to drive 616 miles today to see a man who says he likes me but he never calls me but once a week. He wants me to relocate to be closer to him. I just don’t know if I should.

    1. Tony,

      You should not relocate to be closer to someone you don’t really know. The fact that you are even asking yourself, “Should I” is confirmation that you shouldn’t. I have found that being in a relationship is more about preparing myself. When you are fully prepared, the right one will show up and you will know it without question. My mother used to say, “It is better to want something you do not have than to have something you do not want.” Be patient and love yourself. Mr. Right is waiting.


      1. I did not travel to Indiana yesterday. It just didn’t feel right. Thank you, Vince for your article.

  6. This article definitely brought clarity to some thoughts I have been internalizing for many years .A perfect relationship is with someone who aligns with you {both ways} not what society wants
    Thank you vin

    1. Miguel,

      Thank you so much for your feedback. I just share my personal experience and I am grateful that it resonates with so many. I look forward to more feedback from you.

      Abundant love to you,

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