Mental Wellness Optimal Health

Disease To Please

fullsizeoutput_1ed1It seems most of my life I have certainly been afflicted with the “Disease to Please.”  My desire and/or need to please has too frequently led to my inability to say no. Where did my disease to please come from? It definitely did not start in Wuhan. LOL

As with most things in my life, my disease to please came from a place of fear. Fear of not being accepted if I didn’t please. Fear of being alone if I didn’t please. Fear of hurting someone if I said no. Fear of losing my job if I said no.

My disease to please stems way back to my childhood. It not only comes from a place of fear but also from a place of insecurity. The feeling of not being good enough to please myself. It seems I spent most of my childhood trying to please the man known as my father. I wanted his love and acceptance so bad. Unfortunately, I never got it.

I am realizing that setting boundaries is key to controlling the disease to please affliction. I am working on setting boundaries and am grateful to have come a long way. Not quite 100% there yet, but certainly more aware.

I have found it important to set boundaries with:

  • Friends
  • Family
  • Jobs
  • Romantic Partners

Saying no and putting yourself first is not selfish at all. It is essential. It is perfectly okay to say no. It is perfectly okay to set boundaries with how people treat you. It is not okay for family, friends, jobs or romantic partners to disrespect you in any way. Say no and walk away.

Is it okay to want to please? Absolutely. Anytime we can make someone smile or add to their life in a positive way, that’s a good thing. It is when we are unable to say no and go against what our spirit is telling us that it becomes a problem.

I have suffered from this more in romantic relationships than anything. Fear of saying no. The overwhelming disease to please my partner, for fear of losing him, even when it meant not being true to myself. A little compromise for the one you love is perfectly fine from time to time. Just don’t lose yourself in the process because you are eaten up with the disease to please.

The disease to please makes one a perfect target to be taken advantage of or simply taken for granted. Set boundaries. Say no. It is empowering and part of self-care.

Much love,

Vince

11 comments on “Disease To Please

  1. Alfred Davis

    Great words brother.

  2. Alfred Davis

    So true brother. Great article.

  3. James Austin

    Vince this Is SO my story as well. We seem to be the same animal :). Thanks for sharing and you are spot on NO is not a bad thing. Keep me in thought I’m still working on learning the word.

    James Austin

    • James,

      I too am still working on the word, No. I am getting more comfortable with it. Thanks for your feedback.

      Vince

  4. Maurice Bailey Jr.

    Oprah taught me long time ago that “No!” is a Complete sentence.

  5. James A Butler

    Hi Vince. There is a saying “hurt people hurt”. Is it possible your Father may have loved you as much as he was capable of doing so? Or perhaps because of past hurts he may have experienced he simply did not know how to express that emotion for fear of seeming weak? Just wondering .

    • James,

      I have 2 brothers and one sister that he adored and spent time with. He hated me because of my lifestyle and because of my relationship with my mother. He was more than capable of loving as evidenced by the way he treated my siblings.

      Thank you so much for your thoughts and feedback. I appreciate you.

      Vince

  6. Guilty! I was totally that person. But after having many life lessons brought to me, I finally made changes. While I am not 100% cured of this, I am a work in progress and getting better with every interaction.

    #WorkInProgress

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