Optimal Health

I Am A Sex Addict

According to Psychology Today, an addict is someone who engages in the use of a substance or behavior repeatedly. They exhibit out of control and compulsive involvement despite the negative consequences. I am a sex addict and have been for most of my life. I have never actually admitted it so this is very challenging for me to talk about. I have always been afraid of judgement by others so I kept it quiet. Today I speak out about my addiction. IMedicalNewsToday.com reports that 12-30 million people in the United States experience sexual addiction. Hopefully by sharing my story, it will help someone who may be challenged by this addiction.

There are many types of addiction such as addictive compulsive shopping, eating, alcohol use, drugs, gossiping, TV, and the list goes on. You can become addicted to anything. Again, it is compulsive engagement in rewarding stimuli. An addict will risk everything they have including their life to support, finance, and participate in their addiction. Looking back, I have risked all of those things for my addiction to sex. 

In this article, I will talk about my sexual addiction and ways I have worked to get control of it. I must admit, it takes a constant awareness and work for me to stay more centered and not allow my sexual addiction to control me. 

We are sexual beings and we should embrace that part of us. After all, none of us would be here if it weren’t for sex. Like anything else however, it can become an addiction. There are multiple sex apps, spas, sex shops, sex video booths, a stroll in the park, Starbucks, gyms, and many other avenues to connect and have sex. Just a trip to the grocery store can end up in a sexual encounter. Hooking up to have sex is as easy as swiping to the right on your smart device. 

Where does sexual addiction come from? The real cause in the literature is unclear. We do know that sex causes a release of a chemical in the brain known as dopamine. Dopamine is also known as the feel-good chemical. Addiction in general can be used as a substitute for any and every thing. For me, it feels like being hooked on a drug that’s always available in unlimited supply.

Compulsive masturbation, persistent use of pornography, failure to resist sexual impulses, cybersex, voyeurism, and lewd sex acts are some of the classic symptoms of sexual addiction. It is a highly dangerous and destructive condition. Like alcohol and drug use, it affects mental health, physical health, and personal relationships. It has certainly affected my personal relationships. The infidelity, hiding, secrets, and the sneaking around all led to painful break-ups and an unhealthy mind. 

Is having a high sex drive pathologic? What defines high sex drive versus sexual addiction.  After all, isn’t that most guys default setting since we always seem to be thinking about getting busy. 

Growing up gay in a small rural town in Virginia led to feelings of isolation and disconnection. I carried those feelings into my adult-life and temporarily resolved those feelings by acting out sexually. It felt good to be held, loved, and to experience the awesomeness of sex with another human. It led to compulsive behavior and become a craving of sorts. 

I have discovered that for me sex was a form of acceptance. Having battled with depression it was also a form of connection. It was that instant feel good and feeling of being wanted. It was a substitute for love. Or so I thought.

I have since come to realize that sex only brought me very temporary relief from my loneliness and feeling of being disconnected. A few minutes of pleasure was just that. A few minutes of pleasure. Afterwards, I was right back to feeling alone and disconnected until my next sexual encounter. 

I’ve lost many friends due to their addiction to sex. Yes, like any other addiction, it can cause death. At age 57, I am finally taking a look at some of the deeper things in my life, asking the hard questions, and coming face-to-face with my reality. I am also at a place where I no longer beat myself up for my addiction. Instead, I am making more of an attempt to understand it and work to take control of it. It starts with understanding. Understanding where it came from. Understanding why I feel the need to be compulsive with sex. And, most of all understanding that I am worthy of more. I am worthy of real love and intimacy. I certainly have not found that in the bathhouse, sex shop, or online apps. 

The more I love myself, the less I need sex to fill a void and make me feel wanted. 

So, what do you do if you feel you’re out of control with sex? 

There are treatment centers and self-help groups in pretty much every city. There is Sex Addicts Anonymous and Sexaholics Anonymous that follow the same 12-step program as Alcoholics Anonymous. Then of course there is also meditation, energy healing, counseling, and prayer. For me, a combination of all of these have helped increase my awareness and more importantly my acceptance of the addiction.  

Free yourself from addiction in an effort to live a healthier life physically, spiritually, and mentally. 

In love,

Vince

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Hi, I’m Vince. I am a Author, Critical Care Registered Nurse and Speaker. Welcome to my site. On this site you will be provided inspirational, educational, motivational and thought provoking articles. It is my mission to have this information help you achieve Optimal Health which includes your  Physical HealthSpiritual Health, and Mental Health. My ultimate goal is to create change and stimulate self-healing. I would love to have your support by entering your email address on this site to receive my monthly articles. I look forward to your feedback.

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30 comments on “I Am A Sex Addict

  1. Yuri Margossian

    Fascinating and enlightening reading Vince. Thank you for sharing this very intimate part of your psyche.

  2. Oh wow I can clearly see now that you shared common additiona and practices that we all share in common especially sexual , substance use and other additions we battle with in our lives ..I can relate with this article and also sees the needs to some sort of freedom to inner healing and peace ..Thanks for opening up and allowing me to see through my different additions .

    • Stephen,

      I am grateful for your love, feedback and support. I think many can actually relate to this article. I appreciate your willingness to admit it.

      Much love,
      Vince

  3. Wow what a brave move brother! You are so refreshing and I’m happy to be in your circle.

  4. Maurice "Reese" Bailey Jr.

    Thanks for sharing your truth. I struggle with it too. Hearing you speak about it is very helpful.

    • Reese,

      Thanks for sharing. I appreciate you, your love, support and feedback. We often use addiction to mask underlying issues. I am a work in progress.

      Vince

  5. Powerful article thank you for your insight

  6. SABRINA OGLESBY

    Vince your articles always make you stop and think can’t wait for your book I retired in December have lots of time to read now.

    • Sabrina,

      Congrats on your retirement. I appreciate you reading my work and giving feedback. The book is in the final editing phase now. I am very excited about it and can’t wait to share it with my readers.

      Much love,
      Vince

  7. Excellent article Vincent

  8. Abraham Agho

    This is very brave. Nice, very nice Vince

  9. James Austin

    Vince thanks for sharing your truth. Making yourself vulnerable is a special gift you can give to others who may have walked or still walk the same path.

  10. It is interesting to me that so much of what we become as adults begins as the need for acceptance and love as a child. I am able to look back now and see that this need drove me to do a lot of things all through both my childhood and adult years. Thanks for sharing because so many will identify with what you are bringing forth into the light. I believe that the feelings of unworthiness and self-loathing run rampant particularly in the LGBT community and are the root cause of so many addictions. We are all a continual work in progress.

    • Randy,

      Thanks for your thoughtful beautiful response. You are so right. Many of us carry our childhood experiences over into our adult life. Thank you for your love, support and feedback. I appreciate you.

      Vince

  11. Larry Williams

    Thank you for sharing this part of your journey. You always help us to grow and become the person our God or Higher Power intends for us to be. Thank you and God bless.

    • Larry,

      Thank you so much for your response, love and support. We are placed here to help each other. We are place here to serve and that is my intention.

      Vince

  12. James A. Butler

    Thanks so much for sharing this Vince. I’m sure it isn’t easy. The first step to recovery from any addiction is to admit that there’s a problem. As someone that once battled drug addiction, I know that I have an addictive personality that can manifest in other areas besides drugs. It can manifest itself through sexual compulsion, compulsive shopping, etc. Ultimately, these avenues are a symptom of something else – the thrill or short lived satisfaction we get from indulging our compulsion. Your willingness to admit your problem will enable those who might be suffering in silence have the courage to face and get help for theirs.

    • James,

      Thanks so much for the feedback. You make some great points. Our past can also manifest through different avenues and one of them is addiction. I always appreciate you sharing.

      Much love,
      Vince

  13. Kudos for this courageous post, Vince and here’s to loving ourselves well. KG

    • Ken,

      Thank you so much. You are so right, its about loving ourselves even in our addiction and flaws.

      Much love to you,
      Vince

      • Adrian Carter

        Great article Vince. Thanks for breaking the ice on this one.

        • Thank you Adrian. It was a difficult decision to make but my ultimate goal is to let others know they are not alone in their struggles. We all struggle with something but we have the power to overcome.

          Love ya,
          Vince

  14. Very good article Vince!

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