Box Thinking

 

fullsizeoutput_1f56From the moment I came out of my Mother’s wound, I was placed in a box. The box of what other’s thought I would and should be. The box of what others taught me was the only right way to belief. The box of how others informed me I should think.

I was taught things such as you meet that special one, get married, have children and live happily ever after. Oh, and let’s not forget that the special one must be of opposite gender and of the same race.

I watched my Mom live with the man known as my father for 25 years. It was not a healthy relationship but she stayed because box thinking told her it was the right thing to do. Miserable or not, “I must stay because that’s what Christians do.”

I was taught that you must believe in Christianity as the only way and all other ways of thinking were wrong. If you weren’t a Christian, you were going to this place called Hell.

I was taught that men have certain functions in the home and women have certain functions.

I was taught that boys wear blue and girls wear pink.  Boys play sports and girls are the cheerleaders.

I was taught that women are nurses and men are doctors.

For most of my life, I remained in the box out of fear. Fear of thinking for myself. Fear of listening to my own spirit for guidance. Fear of what others, including family, would think.

Box thinking will keep you stuck. Stuck in the “way we’ve always done it.”

Sitting at my desk reflecting and writing, I am thinking about what a big world there is out there. Thinking about all the beauty there is to experience. All the culture there is to experience. And here I sit.

I always said, “If anything ever happens to my Mom I am moving to a different country.” She’s been gone for 8 years and here I am. So, it wasn’t her keeping me in the box at all. It was my box thinking and cultural indoctrination of the way things should be.

There is so much of life to experience and many of us live our entire life in the same spot, on the same job and with the same person. Now, I am not saying that is wrong. I am only trying to provoke thought and ask the question, “What else is outside this box?”

As I’ve traveled to many other countries, I have learned that there is a lot outside the box and that all the things I was taught are not necessarily the truth. Your truth may be completely different from my truth. Walk in your truth.

I have also found myself stuck in box thinking as it relates to choosing a romantic partner. I had all these preconceived ideas about what he should look like, what he should do for a living, how much money he should have, and he should own his own home and be self-sufficient. That’s my box thinking but what if God has another idea? What if he has someone else for me who doesn’t meet my preconceived criteria but they are loving, kind, compassionate, caring and would be with me until the end. I pass them up because they do not fit in my box.

If I had listened completely to my box thinking, I wouldn’t have been a nurse for the past 31 years and would have missed out on my vocation. Because remember, women are nurses and men are doctors. If I had listened completely to my box thinking, I would have lived a life of fear because of this place called “Hell” that people go to and burn forever if they are not a “Christian.” Grateful to have come to the realization that Hell is a state of mind and not a physical destination at all. Glad I stopped drinking that Kool-Aid that was used as a fear tactic by the church.

I feel very blessed to be moving to a new level of awareness daily and evolving to a greater understanding.

Get out of the box today. Open your mind and spirit to all the infinite possibilities that await you. They can only be yours if you get away from the box thinking that is full of limitations, barriers, and restrictions.

Blessings,

Vince Shifflett, RN BSN CCRN

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Hi, I’m Vince. I am a Critical Care Registered Nurse and Author. Welcome to my site. On this site you will be provided inspirational, educational, motivational and thought provoking articles. It is my mission to have this information help you achieve Optimal Health which includes your  Physical Health, Spiritual Health, and Mental Health. My ultimate goal is to create change and stimulate self-healing. I would love to have your support by entering your email address on this site to receive my monthly articles. I look forward to your feedback.

 

 

Disease To Please

fullsizeoutput_1ed1It seems most of my life I have certainly been afflicted with the “Disease to Please.”  My desire and/or need to please has too frequently led to my inability to say no. Where did my disease to please come from? It definitely did not start in Wuhan. LOL

As with most things in my life, my disease to please came from a place of fear. Fear of not being accepted if I didn’t please. Fear of being alone if I didn’t please. Fear of hurting someone if I said no. Fear of losing my job if I said no.

My disease to please stems way back to my childhood. It not only comes from a place of fear but also from a place of insecurity. The feeling of not being good enough to please myself. It seems I spent most of my childhood trying to please the man known as my father. I wanted his love and acceptance so bad. Unfortunately, I never got it.

I am realizing that setting boundaries is key to controlling the disease to please affliction. I am working on setting boundaries and am grateful to have come a long way. Not quite 100% there yet, but certainly more aware.

I have found it important to set boundaries with:

  • Friends
  • Family
  • Jobs
  • Romantic Partners

Saying no and putting yourself first is not selfish at all. It is essential. It is perfectly okay to say no. It is perfectly okay to set boundaries with how people treat you. It is not okay for family, friends, jobs or romantic partners to disrespect you in any way. Say no and walk away.

Is it okay to want to please? Absolutely. Anytime we can make someone smile or add to their life in a positive way, that’s a good thing. It is when we are unable to say no and go against what our spirit is telling us that it becomes a problem.

I have suffered from this more in romantic relationships than anything. Fear of saying no. The overwhelming disease to please my partner, for fear of losing him, even when it meant not being true to myself. A little compromise for the one you love is perfectly fine from time to time. Just don’t lose yourself in the process because you are eaten up with the disease to please.

The disease to please makes one a perfect target to be taken advantage of or simply taken for granted. Set boundaries. Say no. It is empowering and part of self-care.

Much love,

Vince

Forced Solitude

fullsizeoutput_1e7eI have often written about the importance of solitude but now that it feels forced, I’m not such a fan. Our current situation has created “Forced Solitude” for many with the single and widowed elderly impacted the greatest. In other words, those living alone.

The importance of solitude cannot be over emphasized but too much of anything is not good. It takes a balance.

I think this time of “Forced Solitude” validates the need for human connection. Both physical and non-physical. We need each other.  We learn new things and cultivate healthy habits when we are around interesting people. Being around others is an essential part of our wellness.

On the other hand, solitude is also an essential part of our wellness. Take this time of forced solitude to think about all the positive implications of solitude.

  • Opportunity to plan your life
  • Improves psychological well-being
  • Boosts Creativity
  • Increases productivity
  • Allows you to make choices without outside influence
  • Better insight into who you are

Let’s reach out to the ones we know and love during this time of Forced Solitude and Self-Isolation. As I mentioned earlier, it can be more challenging for those living alone and those already suffering from anxiety and depression.

During this time of solitude, take time to say a prayer for those hit hardest by this time.

Forced  Solitude.

I challenge you to embrace it and actually give thanks for the lesson it came to teach us all.

Peace and Love,

Vince

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Hi, I’m Vince. I am a Critical Care Registered Nurse and Author. Welcome to my site. On this site you will be provided inspirational, educational, and motivational articles. It is my mission to have this information help you achieve Optimal Health which includes Physical Health, Spiritual Health, and Mental Health. My ultimate goal is to create change and stimulate self-healing. I would love to have your support by entering your email address on this site to receive my monthly articles. I look forward to your feedback.

 

Options: No Need To Feel Stuck

Ever feel stuck? Stuck in your job. Stuck in your relationship? Stuck in the place you live? Just plain stuck with no options? I think we have all felt that way before however the truth is you have options. You can choose to quit your job. You can choose to leave that toxic or stale relationship. You can choose a new place to live.  You can go, be, and do whatever you choose to.

The options are limitless.

Options are definitely one of life’s beauties. 

There are consequences that come with every option you choose. If you choose to stay “stuck” in your current situation, the consequence is lack of peace and growth. So why do you stay? Why do you not tap into your limitless options?

You also have options emotionally. You can choose happiness or you can choose sadness. I am learning however that we all do not have the same skill set to deal with life’s challenges. Even though the options are there, fear leaves us feeling “stuck.”

It seems I struggle quite a bit with tapping into my options despite the fact that I know they are there. Again, we all have them. I choose daily. I choose what I am going to eat. What I am going to watch on TV. Who I am going to vote for. I choose what I am going to wear that day. I choose my words. I choose my friends.

Am I making choices based on what someone else thinks I should choose or am I looking at all my options and choosing what resonates with me?

Am I staying in a relationship because someone has taught me it is the right thing to do? Am I staying in a relationship because I don’t want to hurt someone despite the fact that I am hurting myself? Am I making someone else a priority while they are making me an option?

Am I staying on the job out of fear. Fear of losing health insurance. Fear of losing income. Fear of not being able to find something else. Just plain fear. Am I staying on the job despite the fact that I am miserable?

Am I continuing to live in the same place because it is comfortable? Am I continuing to remain in the same place despite the deep urge and feeling that I should be somewhere else? Am I staying out of fear? Do I not see all the beautiful options?

Looking back at my own life, I have allowed fear to keep me stuck in many areas of my life. I am deeply grateful to be aware of this as awareness is the first step to change. I have also allowed deep indoctrination from my upbringing to keep me stuck. Organizations (including churches), government, and other people use fear as a tactic to keep us feeling “stuck.”

Release the fear today and step forward into your happiness. https://vinceshifflett.com/2016/02/14/letting-go-february-14-2016/ It is about you. It is perfectly fine to make it all about you. It is your life and you only get one chance to live it. Choose from the many options you have. Choose what is best for you. This is easily done by simply listening to you inner voice. It will NEVER lead you astray.

Step out of the quick sand and march forward knowing that God (Universe, Spirit) has your back.

Are you feeling stuck with no options?

I look forward to your feedback and hope you will  be inspired to enter your email address to receive my monthly thought provoking articles straight to your inbox. Your support is deeply appreciated.

Much love,

Vince

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10_previewVince is a Critical Care Registered Nurse, Author, and Columnist living and loving in Atlanta, Georgia. Enter your email address to receive his monthly educational, inspirational, and thought provoking work straight to your inbox. You can also follow him on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn and Twitter. Your support is deeply appreciated.

 

Why Am I Here: Your Why Matters

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Why am I here? What is my Purpose? Purpose is defined as the reason for which something is done or created or for which something exists.

Why was I created? Why do I exist?

Simply put, to know your purpose means to know 3 things: 

  1. What you are
  2. Who you are
  3. Why you are

We all want a sense of meaning and purpose in our lives. The path to purpose can seem challenging to find. There are literally thousands of paths we can choose from on this roadmap of life. Each one bringing a different lesson.

How do we find our Purpose?

I have come to realize that purpose can be found through inquiry. Inquiry can connect you to the truth and ultimately to the divine. Let your questions be guided by the what, who, and why of your life. Inquiry offers us an open door to a spiritually aligned life. For me, many times I have not asked the questions because I did not want to hear the answers. The answers may not be what you want to hear. There is a tendency to just follow the same path that our friends or family members are on and never inquire about our own personal path to purpose. We all have a unique purpose.

Your Why Matters.

Take a moment to pause now and ask yourself:

  • What is my Purpose?
  • Am I walking in my purpose now?
  • Who am I?
  • Why am I Here?

Unearth the answers to these questions for more excitement, inspiration, and discovery. Discover your true purpose in 2020 and do not allow fear to keep you from moving in the direction of that purpose. I have spent the last several years asking myself these questions and am finally headed in the direction of my purpose. I finally feel I have a better understanding of why I am here.

No one’s life purpose gets fulfilled alone. Together we all learn and grow from each other.

So, why are you here?

I look forward to your response and as always remain deeply grateful for each of you and the beautiful beings that you are.

Until next time,

Vince

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Hi, I’m Vince. I am a Critical Care Registered Nurse and Author. Welcome to my site. On this site you will be provided inspirational, educational, and motivational articles. It is my mission to have this information help you achieve Optimal Health which includes Physical Health, Spiritual Health, and Mental Health. My ultimate goal is to create change and stimulate self-healing.