Category: Mental Wellness

Ever feel stuck? Stuck in your job. Stuck in your relationship? Stuck in the place you live? Just plain stuck with no options? I think we have all felt that way before however the truth is you have options. You can choose to quit your job. You can choose to leave that toxic or stale relationship. You can choose a new place to live.  You can go, be, and do whatever you choose to.

The options are limitless.

Options are definitely one of life’s beauties. 

There are consequences that come with every option you choose. If you choose to stay “stuck” in your current situation, the consequence is lack of peace and growth. So why do you stay? Why do you not tap into your limitless options?

You also have options emotionally. You can choose happiness or you can choose sadness. I am learning however that we all do not have the same skill set to deal with life’s challenges. Even though the options are there, fear leaves us feeling “stuck.”

It seems I struggle quite a bit with tapping into my options despite the fact that I know they are there. Again, we all have them. I choose daily. I choose what I am going to eat. What I am going to watch on TV. Who I am going to vote for. I choose what I am going to wear that day. I choose my words. I choose my friends.

Am I making choices based on what someone else thinks I should choose or am I looking at all my options and choosing what resonates with me?

Am I staying in a relationship because someone has taught me it is the right thing to do? Am I staying in a relationship because I don’t want to hurt someone despite the fact that I am hurting myself? Am I making someone else a priority while they are making me an option?

Am I staying on the job out of fear. Fear of losing health insurance. Fear of losing income. Fear of not being able to find something else. Just plain fear. Am I staying on the job despite the fact that I am miserable?

Am I continuing to live in the same place because it is comfortable? Am I continuing to remain in the same place despite the deep urge and feeling that I should be somewhere else? Am I staying out of fear? Do I not see all the beautiful options?

Looking back at my own life, I have allowed fear to keep me stuck in many areas of my life. I am deeply grateful to be aware of this as awareness is the first step to change. I have also allowed deep indoctrination from my upbringing to keep me stuck. Organizations (including churches), government, and other people use fear as a tactic to keep us feeling “stuck.”

Release the fear today and step forward into your happiness. https://vinceshifflett.com/2016/02/14/letting-go-february-14-2016/ It is about you. It is perfectly fine to make it all about you. It is your life and you only get one chance to live it. Choose from the many options you have. Choose what is best for you. This is easily done by simply listening to you inner voice. It will NEVER lead you astray.

Step out of the quick sand and march forward knowing that God (Universe, Spirit) has your back.

Are you feeling stuck with no options?

I look forward to your feedback and hope you will  be inspired to enter your email address to receive my monthly thought provoking articles straight to your inbox. Your support is deeply appreciated.

Much love,

Vince

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Vince is a Critical Care Registered Nurse, Author, and Columnist living and loving in Atlanta, Georgia. Enter your email address to receive his monthly educational, inspirational, and thought provoking work straight to your inbox. You can also follow him on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn and Twitter. Your support is deeply appreciated.

 

Validation is not a bad thing. It can be affirming and positive. It is reasonable to want your ideas, achievements, and choices validated by those around you. Recognition and acceptance of someone else’s experience can be a beautiful thing.

So, when does validation become problematic?

I recently came to the awareness that the desire to get people to like me has motivated the majority of my choices and actions. Particularly in my early life. That awareness and realization has caused me to contemplate. So, now that I’m aware of my need to feel validated and desire to be accepted, where did it all come from. When did it all start?

How can I get to the bottom of this and heal from it? Heal from the root cause of my need to feel validated and accepted.

This is requiring that I go back all the way to my childhood to uncover where that need came from. Through the process of energy work, meditation, a lot of tears, a lot of time alone and the support of a few amazing friends, I am still here. Otherwise, I feel I may not be.

My journey to discovery also is requiring that a few difficult decisions be made. Painful decisions.

My need for validation and acceptance at times has led to behaviors I am not pleased with. Behaviors that left me feeling more void than before I participated in the behavior. Behaviors that have cost me some valuable relationships. I recognize now that the behaviors were yet another subconscious attempt for validation and acceptance.

It certainly does not help that for much of my life I have been clinically depressed. Something I have struggled with but have become very good at hiding and always pretending everything is okay.

For me, my bouts with depression stem from that feeling of not being validated and a feeling of not being accepted. Even as far back as my early childhood, I can remember feeling depressed. Of course, at that time I didn’t know I was depressed. I just knew I felt different and out of place. I found myself feeling sad way back then. Often sitting over in a corner somewhere watching others while at a gathering.

Having a father who was verbally, mentally, and physically abusive left me feeling unworthy, unaccepted, and not validated. This led me to seek that validation in other men. I have allowed those feelings from my father to stick around for far too long. Now when Mr. Right shows up, I end up sabotaging the relationship because deep inside I still feel that sense of unworthiness that was deeply embedded in me from my father.

As my life has progressed, the depression has continued with frequent thoughts of suicide. The break-up of my 18-year relationship and the tragic loss of my beautiful angel and Mother just added more weight to my depression. I knew I had to get help. I started crying out for help to a few close friends. My dearest friend Greg, who is an Energy Healer and life coach has dug me out of the quick-sand more times than I care to mention.

I now know that first and foremost, I need to give myself validation.

One way I am moving toward self-validation (approval) is by keeping a self- appreciation journal. It is a good way to begin to acknowledge the things I am most proud of about myself. The first entry in my self-appreciation journal was, “The work I do both as a writer and nurse makes a difference in people’s lives.”

So now that I’ve discovered where my need for validation comes from, Am I healed? Do I still feel the need to be validated and accepted?

It is a journey for me and not a destination. It is a daily work. If I fail to do the work, I fall right back in to the same pattern of seeking that validation (approval) from others. There is always work to do. Work to become and remain my highest and best self.

I will continue to work at bringing more awareness to my validation seeking thoughts and behaviors. I will continue to work on dealing with the past that led me here in an effort to free myself and feel worthy the next time someone shows me true love.

In Summary: Don’t we all want to be accepted and validated?  I think it becomes problematic when we seek external validation as opposed to looking internally for validation. The truth is, no validation is needed from anyone. It is okay to be who you are. It is okay to live in your truth no matter what that looks like. Those who truly love you will accept you in your truth. Now, I just need to remember this and work on applying it to my personal life.

My Personal Affirmations:

• I am worthy of love
• I am ready to receive love
• I validate and approve of myself
• I openly receive validation (approval, love) from others

Your continued love and support of me move me deeply. I am grateful for each of you. It is a pleasure to share my journey with you.

Is the need for validation (approval) holding you back? I look forward to your feedback.

Much love,

Vince

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Vince is a Critical Care Registered Nurse, Published Writer, and Columnist living and loving in Atlanta, Georgia. Enter your email address to receive his monthly Educational, Inspirational, and Motivational 5-minute reads straight to your inbox. You can also follow him on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedInand Twitter. Your support and feedback are deeply appreciated.

 

 

 

True love is about allowing. It is not about controlling someone or trying to change someone. True unconditional love simply allows.

There are many different philosophical views about many different topics. Different is the key word here. They are just different. Different does not mean wrong. It just means different. Many wars are fought over our different philosophical views.

I think we can look at the state of our country currently and see what happens when one tries to force their views on another. It ends up in war. It ends up in hate. It ends up in ugly rhetoric instead of love. Love truly does conquer all if we just give it a chance. Instead we are too preoccupied with trying to get our point across and prove we are right and they are wrong.

More specifically in relationships, there can be differing viewpoints on what a relationship looks like. Differing does not have to mean division. It can mean discussion. Meaningful discussion that loves and allows. Loving and allowing also does not necessarily mean agreeing. It is perfectly fine to have different viewpoints. It is not fine to disrespect someone for their different views.

Stop trying to make your companion be what you want them to be. Stop trying to change your companion’s views to line up with yours. That’s control, not love. Simply allow them to be who they are. Allow them to believe what they believe. That’s true love.

We all come from different backgrounds that influence our philosophical views and behavior. Instead of arguing over the differences, have meaningful respectful discussions to understand one’s background and views. That’s true unconditional love.

Fully accepting someone is also accepting who they are. You do not have to agree with them and you may not even understand them, but you must continue to love them. No room for hate.

Life is too short for hate. Life is too short for arguing. If today was your last day to be alive, would you spend it arguing with your companion over your different beliefs and views or would you spend it just having fun with them. Simply loving them. For that matter, would you spend it arguing with anyone.

Let’s take more time to listen to each other. Let’s take more time to simply love and allow. Let’s be respectful of others views without judging, shaming, or condemning them.

What a better place this world would be if we spent more time loving instead of judging. What a beautiful place it would be if we spent more time allowing others the right to their own beliefs and views without judging them. That’s love.

How beautiful a relationship could be if the two involved simply loved and allowed with zero judgement. Love and allow with zero expectations. Love and allow without projecting your own worry, stress, fear, and anxiety on your companion.

How beautiful a relationship could be if you focused more on self-improvement as opposed to constantly doing a performance evaluation of your companion’s life. Allow them to simply be.

Until next time, simply love all those in your life and allow them to be exactly who they are. No approval needed from anyone.

Much love,

Vince

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Hi, I’m Vince. I am a Critical Care Registered Nurse and Author. Welcome to my site. On this site you will be provided inspirational, educational, and motivational articles. It is my mission to have this information help you achieve Optimal Health which includes Physical Health, Spiritual Health, and Mental Health.